MY FRIEND BETTY

I sit here tonight with so many thoughts running through my head.  I have worry, heartache, and anger.  Why?  Well, I have a friend, Betty, and today I received a phone call from a mutual friend telling me that Betty had been rushed to the hospital with a brain aneurysm.  Seriously, you could have knocked me over with a feather.  You see, I just had lunch with her yesterday to celebrate her birthday.  Betty is still young.  Too young for this to be happening to her, she still has so much more to do here on Earth!  God can't be ready for her just yet.  Too many people need her here.  Too many people depend on her.  She still has a lot left to do and see.  She isn't finished being my friend!  I can't help but sit here and think about all the laughs we have had and the laughs that are yet to be had.  When we get together for our ladies lunches Betty makes us all laugh.  Sometimes just being her silly self and other times we are laughing at some of the silly antics she has been involved in and believe me there are many.  Nonetheless, she just makes us all smile.  As I sit here tyring to make sense of it all, I can't help but think of the craziness.  The speeding tickets, the driving school, the "Mama" skits at teacher appreciation luncheons.  They all make me just smile and giggle to myself.  I think the most recent laugh was on Memorial Day when my husband and I had a cookout at our home. Betty was among our many guests.  We talked about many things; life after divorce, kids, and just life in general.  The most hilarious moment was when another friend of mine was in the conversation and we began to discuss our "favorite person" who looks like a praying mantis riding a bicycle!  Do you remember that Betty Nell?  Don't forget Betty, we have a date for my birthday in September!  We have to go back to The Cheesecake Factory!  I am worried for her children that are having to see their mother go through this ordeal.  I am heartbroken that Betty is having to fight for her life and to know that someone that is so full of life and so strong is having to go through all of this.  I am angry that this is happening to my friend.  Someone that is so sweet, so giving, and just an amazing caring woman.  Anyone that knows me knows I am far from an extremely religious person.  I am however very spiritual.  I believe we all have a plan laid out for us.  I believe in God and his plan for our lives.  So as Betty's friend I would like to ask my other friends, even if you haven't been blessed to meet her yet, when you say your prayers tonight and for the next several nights to come please remember her and her sweet family in your prayers.  I love you Betty!  You are a class act in my book!  You have to get better!!  We have a date with the swimming pool!! 

As I end this post about my friend I just want to share a passage from Psalm 31:1-5. 

"In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness.  2  Bow down thine ear to me; deliver me speedily: be thou my strong rock, for a house of defense to save me. 3 For thou are my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me.  4 Pull me out of the net that they have laid privily for me: for thou art my strength. 5 Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O Lord God of truth."  Psalm 31: 1-5 

BEST FRIENDS MAKE THE BAD TIMES GOOD; & THE GOOD TIMES UNFORGETTABLE!!

Friendship is the emotions on conduct of friends; the state of being friends or the relationship between friends.  So what exactly is a friend?  In technical terms a friend is a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.  Synonyms: pal, mate, chum, buddy, comrade, fellow, companion…..

On a more personal note a friend is someone with whom you are comfortable around and enjoy their company.  Someone you can laugh with until you pee your pants and then you laugh even harder because you did pee your pants! 

We form friendships at a very early age.  We may not know what friendships are until later but even toddlers form friendships.  We play, laugh, and cry together and have all sorts of fun.  We know we just enjoy spending time with one another that has like interest.  As we grow so do our friendships.  Sometimes we grow apart and sometimes we grow closer.  Sometimes friends move or we move and we have to form new friendships, (that is always hard).  The friendships we acquire during elementary school are some of the strongest bonds we can make.  They set the precedence on how we make friends and sometimes they carry over into pre-teen and high school.  Some of my favorite memories are of my high school friends.
I was never in the “in” crowd; I was always the “regular geeky band” kid.  I didn’t have a fancy car or the newest name brand clothes but my parents worked hard and provided for me and my sister very well.  We never wanted for anything.  But I do remember having the BEST group of friends a girl could ask for.  The entire high school band was like a large friendship circle.  We were all close to one another and when one had a problem it became everyone’s problem.  Chorus was the same except the small performing group I belonged to was probably the closet group of friends at that time in my life.  We were awesome!! 
Then you graduate, you tell each other you will remain friends forever…then life happens…. You look up and 29 years have passed and you try to remember where all those friends are and what they are doing.  If you are lucky you still have one or two you still talk to on occasion. 

We come upon a new milestone and as we graduate we make new friends.  These friends are a different type of friend.  If you go to college or the military they are more acquaintance friends than truly formed friendships.  You party, study, and work with these types of friends.  Sometimes you walk away with a lifelong friend and then other times you just walk away.

Now we have the adult friends.  The kind we shop with, cookout with, meet the Mr/Mrs Right with, and sometimes they are by your side if the Mr/Mrs. Right turns out to be Mr/Mrs. Wrong!  These friends are in it for the long haul.  Often these friends are “new” “old” friends.  You know the one you had back in high school and reconnected. 

As we grow, get married, and have babies we acquire the mommy/daddy friends.  You know the ones; the football, baseball, cheerleader friends.  It is because your kids are friends with their kids so you become friends with the parents (often at the chagrin of your kids).  Sometimes these friendships carry over and sometimes they don’t and that is life. 

With all of that said, I want to make a statement.  I happen to have some of the GREATEST friends on the planet!  I am not just saying that to be nice or to boast, I am just announcing the truth.  I can’t tell you how many friends have come and gone in my lifetime.  I have to admit the people that are in my life now are some of the greatest!  I have friends still from high school and my single days that I know if I needed ANYTHING, all I would have to do is pick up the phone and they would be right there.  I have friends that I do not talk to on the phone as often as I should and when we do talk it is like we just spoke to one another yesterday. 

We all have that GROUP of friends….you know the ones; the ones that at the drop of a hat they would show up with a shovel, a black trash bag, and a bag of lime and wouldn’t ask questions when you needed to hide a body! (LOL)  I have been blessed with two of these groups! 

The first group is a group of girlfriends that have been in my circle for well over 20 years.  We have worked alongside one another, witnessed the birth of babies, cried when a relationship or marriage went south and swore to each other that no matter how old we get we will always make time for that dinner and/or glass of wine.  They know my evil thoughts before I know them and are just as conniving as I am.  The older I get the more I appreciate these types of friendships.  Shelli, Charlotte, Karen, and April….You girls know I would go to the ends of the earth for you and never think twice about it.  I love you all tremendously and so glad we have reconnected. 

I have also been blessed and fortunate to find myself in the company of some other AMAZINGLY FABULOUS women!!  We became what I will call “accidental friends”.  We met through our husbands.  We were blessed to meet through a group of “brothers” called the Lost Brotherhood MC.  We ride together, have dinner together, and often spend more time with each other than our biological families.  We love each other’s kids as our own. Debbie, Niki, Lisa, Nicole, Stephanie, Mary, Toni, and many more of you ladies….YOU ROCK MY SOCKS!  I love you guys more than you will ever know. 
So, I shall close with this – We all wear many friendship hats.  Just because friendships come and go, it is never a tragedy.  Read this poem and just remember…..there is always a reason, a season, or a lifetime!  Love to all of my friends; Past, Present, and Future!!
 
Thanks for taking time to read!! 


Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown

LISTEN TO YOURSELF….YOU HAVE A LOT TO SAY!

I haven’t blogged in a while.  It isn’t because I haven’t had anything to share, it is just I have had a lot going on in my life as of late.  Not many people know this, not because I was ashamed of it but because I had to learn how to wrap my head around it.  Late last year I had to have a complete hysterectomy.  About three years ago I started having some female issues.  I knew something wasn’t quite right.  I knew my body was trying to tell me something so like so many women I chose to take the first doctor at her word and I pushed things to the side and thinking, well this is just part of getting older.  I know many of you know what I am talking about right?  I thought, well they are the ones with M.D. behind their name, they know what they are talking about so I tried to “live with it” as I was told it was part of getting older and being overweight.  I continued to have problems….one problem would lead to another problem, I got to where I felt like shit all the time and it seemed as though I was doing more complaining than living.  I was hateful to my family; especially my kids and I thank them for not wanting to commit me to some insane asylum (especially poor Christina).  I think she got the brunt of all of my frustration and crappy feelings.   My poor husband probably thought, “OH DEAR LORD, I have married a psycho”.  As bad as I felt I could never tell anyone what felt bad.  I JUST FELT BAD!!  I couldn’t sleep, all I wanted to do was eat (that is the way I deal with things), I didn’t want to fix my hair, wear nice clothes…etc.…I could not for the life of me put into words just exactly what hurt and where.  

Ever since I was a teenager, you know old enough to go to the “female” doctor; I have always made it priority to maintain good female medical care.   I always had my check-ups on a regular basis and when it came time for my yearly mammograms I am very diligent about having those as well.  I don’t always find them pleasant but if you are going to be proactive with your health you have to take a stand and make it a priority.  So, every year I was in the doctor’s office like clockwork.  Like I said, I had been having issues, or I thought something was going on, for about three years.  I started becoming irregular, then it would be constant, then it would change again.  When I was younger I never had any type of problems before.  I went to one doctor he told me it was my weight, went to another doctor and she told me I was diabetic.  I felt they were NOT listening to me.  There were treating my symptoms, not treating me.  I was so frustrated and down trodden that I thought well, one more opinion wouldn’t hurt.  I found another doctor who I am simply convinced was my God-send.  She listened when I talked to her.  When I told her what MY body was doing and how I felt.  She actually gave me insight on great options to start with and then we would go from that point.  She didn’t tell me it was all in my head.  For three years I had been having normal pap smears.  I repeat….NORMAL!!  When I started going to my new doctor, same thing...Normal.  She told me she would like to do an ultra-sound and when she did she noticed some issues there and sent me for a D&C.  This was a one day procedure which I had at Thanksgiving of 2012.  Not the most enjoyable Thanksgiving but not the worst either (the worst being when I had the flu and strep throat at the same time on Thanksgiving).  The next two weeks were so excruciating.  Finally, I went back for my follow-up….My wonderful, supportive husband came along to hold my hand.  I go back first in the room and as my doctor comes in she sits down and says, “Marie, I am not going to lie to you…there were some things in your D&C that I did not like.  You have pre-cancerous cells growing in your uterus.”  Well, I don’t care if it is “pre-cancer” or cancer all you hear is CANCER!!  The next few sentences she uttered were literally like hearing Charlie Brown’s teacher talking in the classroom.  All I could say was, “Will you please go get my husband?”  I wanted to throw up, cry, scream and just crawl in a hole.  Once Greg was back there all I remember is looking at him thinking…”What has this man done in his lifetime to deserve this?”  His first wife died from Leukemia in 1999 and now this…..I remember very little about this office visit other than coming out of the doctor’s office with an appointment with a GYN Oncologist.  The car ride home was rather silent.  Greg kept asking me if I was okay…..I didn’t know if I was okay…..I knew I wanted to hit something so hard that I would have either broken it or my hand.  I questioned God.  I wanted to know what I had done that was so terrible that I had to go through this situation.  Greg, bless his heart, tried every way to not make a big deal out of it when I know deep down he was questioning God also.  So, I go to my visit with the GYN Oncologist, who is a TRULY AMAZING man!!  And he took the time to talk to me and to tell me and Greg what the next steps were going to be.  So the day after Christmas, Dec 26, 2012, I was scheduled for a full complete hysterectomy.  Needless to say, Christmas had a whole new meaning this past year.  My mom and dad and my husband were there for my surgery.  I told my kids it was just a small procedure, no big deal, because I didn’t want them to worry.  I was there at UT overnight….Had wonderful care.  What a great group of people at UT Hospital.  I came home to recover.  Not a bad surgery, laparoscopic, so I had some pain and discomfort but not what it used to be before this procedure became available.  My follow-up with my surgeon was an eye opener.  He relayed to me that this surgery was one of the best surgeries I could have ever done for myself.  He said the uterus didn’t just have pre-cancerous cells it had cancer cells growing.  He told me I was lucky.  He told me they had gotten all of the cancer and I should not have any other problems BUT I had to be under his observation for the next five years.  I am fine with that, so for the next year I have to go back every three months, then the next two years every six months, and then the next three years once a year visits just to monitor me to make sure I do not have any issues.  I CAN LIVE with that!!  LOL….CAN LIVE…..I WILL LIVE with that!!  I tell Greg all the time that I hate the scars on my stomach.  I tease him and say, "Well, with these scars I will never wear a bikini again!"  LOL  He just rubs my scars and says..."They are the most beautiful scars in the world, because without them I could have lost you!"  He is so sweet!!  There are truly no words to describe the love I have for this man. 

The gift of life is fragile and few may realize just how precious it can be.  I have come to terms with the fact that I had cancer.  I found out a lot of things about myself.  I am still a strong woman….I just have an even stronger support group (i.e. my family).  I am proud of myself for listening to MY BODY!!  I chose to be proactive in my health! Had I chosen to ignore my problems I shudder at the results.  I did question God A LOT!!  I don’t so much now as I did in the beginning but I still want to know why he chose me to walk this path.  This path isn’t a path for the faint of heart or the weak.  I have never thought of myself as strong willed or strong in general.  I have always considered myself someone that just does what she needs to do to get through life and be happy. This has made me realize a lot more about myself.  I often believe that God chose this path for me to open my eyes and get back in church.  Which, I have….Not the same church or denomination as before but somewhere that I feel comfortable and happy.  I look at things differently.  I cherish each day.  I try to make life fun and not live the mundane life everyone seems to get caught up in.  I love to laugh and to make others laugh.  I still get aggravated and disheartened at times but HEY, I am human.  I love my kids, I look at them in a totally different light now, and they are adults and are working on their own lives.  I want to spend more time with my husband and my beautiful grandson.  I want to smell the roses more often than I did before.  I appreciate my husband more.  I value the time I have with my parents.  I just love life! 

Cancer is a horrible, horrible disease.  It affects so many people on so many levels; Infants, young children, teens, adults, the elderly.  It isn’t picky….you can be male, female, white, black, young; old…..it has no boundaries.  My advice to all of my friends and family….When something does not feel right in your core, or you just can’t put your finger on what is ailing you….just remember to keep fighting YOUR fight until you get the answers!  It is YOUR body, take control of YOU!!  I love you all!!  Thanks for listening and PRAY daily without ceasing.  And don’t forget to…..

Love Loud!!                                                            

Marie