You Know You Are Getting Older When: A funny look at myself

It's been months since I've written any kind of anything on here. I've often thought about writing but then the thought of trying to come up with something clever to say makes my head hurt so I just put it off saying I'll do it tomorrow. So.....today is tomorrow!  It seems that life has gotten in the way of me writing about life. 

Since my last blog it seems I have worked my butt off!!  I love my job and I am so thankful to have a job but WHEW, there are days that I realize I am not as young as I use to be and I often come home at the end of the day totally worn out and spent.  This leads me to notice the ten (10) signs that I am definitely getting older.  I try my best to keep up with the kiddos at school and sometimes I just have to throw up my hands and say….”I am done!”. 

I am going to share with you my 10 signs that I am getting older.  I realized many of these things when I am out shopping with my recently turned 18 year old daughter and with one of my very best friends that is 28. 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLDER WHEN: 

1.   I totally refuse to get within 100 feet of an American Eagle store.  There are two reasons:  1.  The music is too damn loud.  And 2) It smells like my older high school boyfriend who dropped me once he went to college and found the college girls more appealing than me.  Then I wonder where he is and what he is doing, is he bald, fat, lonely, etc….Then I wonder, what the hell did I ever see in him in the first place.  After all, he was the one that told my mother she needed to marry me off because I was never going to amount to anything.  And informed my mother that real men had boys not girls (which my dad has two girls and there isn’t a better man in the entire world than my dad).  Needless to say, I did not miss out on much in that dating department. 

2.   I am no longer embarrassed to purchase tampons or feminine products, even when the cashier that is ringing me up at the local Wal-Mart store is 18 and goes to school with my 18 year old daughter or is friends with my now 20 year old son.  I believe somewhere between the age of 26 or 27, I realized that I do indeed have a vagina and it is perfectly acceptable to menstruate.  I have come to the conclusion that is also perfectly acceptable to say the word “vagina” out loud.  VAGINA, VAGINA, VAGINA!! 

3.   I have come to the realization that I am old enough to be Lindsey Lohan’s mother and if that were the case I would have done put my foot up that little ass and made a believer out of her!!  Just saying….

4.   When someone talks about something that happened 20 years ago, you can actually remember where you were and what you were doing 20 years ago.  There are possibilities that some of these happenings involved alcohol, dancing on table tops, and throwing up out of a moving vehicle…(not claiming either of the three just saying it is a possibility). 

5.   The days that I considered my parents boring and embarrassed to be around are gone.  My parents are still my parents, but they are also my best friends.  And your parents’ best friends are still your parents’ best friends, but now you consider them your friends too, not just your parents’ friends.  (Does that make sense??)  And nine times out of teen I would rather hang out with my parents and their friends who are now also your friends……

6.   I often find myself becoming annoyed and rolling my eyes at teenager who are giggling and having fun at the mall or in Wal-Mart, because in my opinion, they are just creating unnecessary noise.  (Disclaimer:  Those teenagers are rolling their eyes at you also.  They think you are pathetic and old, and they vow never to look like you when they are your age.  After all, they will still be shopping at American Eagle and be up on the latest trends. Right?.....Right!!)

7.   On any given Friday evening, you find yourself getting a little bit giddy after realizing that there is a NCIS marathon on USA Channel, and it is for the entire weekend!  Break out the bottles of wine baby…it is gonna be one hell of a bitchin’ weekend!!

8.   My kiddos at school/work think I am the “Cool” teacher.  That is like the kiss of death!  My kiddos are awesome but I am not there to be their pal or their friend…I am there to be their teacher. 

9.   The thought of going to a frat party makes you want to douse your entire body in rubbing alcohol and put on a gas mask.  Let’s face it…if the memory of the stench of stale Schlitz Malt Liquor beer and man sweat doesn’t make you a bit nostalgic for your college days, then you are definitely over the hill.

10.               You will talk about shit with anyone, and by shit I do mean poop, and by anyone, I do man ANYONE.  If you can admit to a random person of the opposite sex that the tacos you ate for dinner had you up with the runs all night, then you are seriously an OLD FART.  No pun intended. 

Now, if anyone has any other signs of aging to add please feel free to do so.  I hope you at least got a slight giggle or even just a smile out of my list.  Maybe we can see a little bit of one another in each other. 

I am a 40 plus year old mom of three and a MiMi to one.  I am awesome at managing 30+ kids in a classroom but suck at managing my household duties, (basically I suck at it)!  I also suffer from serious road rage and uncontrollable urge to swear.  But all in all I am a happy, beautiful, funny, and wonderful mom!!  Hope you all have had a wonderful and blessed mother’s day. 

The OTHER "F" Word!!

Doesn't it always seem that the number one resolution made by Americans each year is to loose weight?  I feel that about 90% of resolutions fall by the wayside about two weeks into the new year.  So for 90%  of you that began this year wanting to make a difference in your waistline....better luck next year and for the other 10%,  KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!   This is why I didn't make resolutions I just accept the things that are what they are and if I decide somewhere along the way I am going to make changes I will give it my best effort. 

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  I have decided that I am a closet skinny person!  I am a fat girl that wants so bad to be skinny.  I would love to be able to buy my clothes from a regular clothing store and purchase cute clothes.  Instead I buy my clothes from a plus size store and purchase clothing that looks as if they were made from extra material from the Camel Tent Company.  I want to be able to wear tall cute boots that do not make me look like a tamale!!  I can not tell you how many times in my life I have been told...."You have such a pretty face, if you could loose some weight you would be drop dead gorgeous."  How is someone suppose to react to that statement?  "Thanks!?"  I don't know if I want to thank them or punch them!!  It is not like I woke up one day and said to myself..."Self, I think I would like to be fat!"  The sad thing is, I have not always been fat.  Here is the really kicker asshole....I AM PRETTY!!  I HAPPEN TO THINK I AM ONE OF THE MOST ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE I KNOW!

I was once skinny, back in the days of high school when I played softball, marched in the band, road bicycles, and basically just stayed active constantly.  I am not really sure what happened other than a combination of a lot of different things from genetics, lack of exercise, poor eating habits, babies, divorce, depression.....all in all I can say "Life just happened."  No excuses, no ifs and or buts....Just Life!  We make excuses, or at least I know I do.  I tell myself all the time, "I am so tired from working all day to go to the gym, It is too cold outside, etc......."  I can be the queen of excuses!!  Do you want to know what strikes me as hilarious?  People really and truly walk up to me and say, "Do you know you are overweight?"   What I want to say to them is ".  REALLY!?"    "No Shit Sherlock!!" and then I want to say, "Do you really think I don't know what I look like?  I just see myself naked everyday you stupid moron!"  Do people honestly think I am happy being this way?  I DO NOT want to be fat!! I want to be normal! 

FAT!?....HUMMMPPPHH....THE OTHER "F" WORD.  The one small three letter word that can cut you so deep and leave a scar for the rest of your life.  As I write I can't help but think of all the little girls that want to be like the super models they see on TV, magazines, and record labels.  Somewhere, someone has told society that this is the way women should be seen. According to society women should not be fat and because of this stigma young girls are starving themselves becoming emaciated and can't walk two steps because they do not have the energy.   

People are so insensitive, when people say, "You are Fat", I want to look at them and say..."I may be fat but you are an insensitive ass wad which makes you an ugly person.  I can loose weight but you can't change ugly!!  Do you remember back in high school and we thought we were so fat?  I look back at the pictures of me and think,  "what was I thinking?"  I was NOT FAT!!  I looked good!!  I was cute in high school....oh how I would love to go back and be that way now!  This year I have decided to make a change in my life.  Once and for all I am making changes for ME!!  Not for Greg, not for my kids, not for my parents but I am making them for Marie!!  I do not look at this as a resolution....I look at it as a life style change.  I can do this!!!  I WILL DO THIS!!  It may take me a year or more to get to where I want to be but I have to understand, I didn't put this weight on in one day it is not going to come off in one night.  So, here is my statement.  I am beginning in the year 2012 to make Marie a healthier, and more productive person!!  This is my promise to myself!  With encouragement, prayer, support, and a gym partner and husband (Greg).  I will do this!