An Attitude Adjustment

Do YOU need an Attitude Adjustment?...This is what I want to talk about today.  Many times we are so engrossed by our own behavior and what we HAVE to do that we tend to forget what a blessing it is to have what we have and who we share it with.  At church this month our pastor is talking about the book of Matthew Chapter 5 vs 3-12.  If you are not familiar with The Beatitudes then you really need to dust off your Bible and read them.  Read them with an open heart and an open mind.  Let me just give you a little bit of my thoughts about The Beatitudes.  This is from my Bible, The New Living Translation. 

Matthew Chapter 5 verses 3-12 

3 "God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs." 
4  "God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
5  "God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth." 
6  "God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied."
7  "God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy."
8  "God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God."
9  "God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God."
10 "God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs."
11 "God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers."
12 "Be happy about it!  Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way." 

These verses are what I would call a Christian "Attitude Adjustment".  You know we have all had to have attitude adjustments at one time in our lives.  Either by a parent, a teacher, a friend, a mentor.....we have all had to have an attitude adjustment at some point.  But did you ever stop to think that we may need to have an Attitude Adjustment from God?  During our life we are in the constant state of learning.  From the time we are born we learn something new every single day. We have to learn to walk, learn to talk, learn to read...etc...the list goes on. Lessons are the components that we are made from.  We may not realize we are learning anything but we are and sometimes lessons can become blessings.  Sometimes the lesson comes rather subtle and others it is like being smacked in the face with a frying pan.  Some lessons we pack away in our filing cabinets for future use, some we try to ignore, and others we wear them like a badge of honor as if to say..."HEY!!  I got this one right!!"  But do we really listen when God is handing out the adjustments or do you just blow them off and say, "Ehhh, I will listen to him some other time"?  I know I am guilty of tuning him out at times.  We all have that gut intuition right?  You know what I am talking about, when you are somewhere or doing something and you get this feeling deep down inside your stomach that makes you step back and think "Am I doing the right thing?" or "What if this is wrong?"  I was told once by a very good friend of mine that, THAT is God speaking to you.  That is the voice of God telling you what you need to do.  He either tells you to "walk away" or "stay strong and steady".  God isn't going to steer you wrong but many times, and I am guilty of this, many times we blow that feeling off and just keep doing what we were doing.  And if it turns out to have a negative effect we often say, "God, why didn't you tell me this wasn't the right thing?"  That is because you DIDN'T have your listening ears on that day and he tried but you were just too stubborn to know what was happening.  We are all guilty of doing this at some point in our life.  And when we do something that turns out good, we all send the praises to God for showing us the right way.  For some reason we as humans put God in a spot of, "Damned if you do and Damned if you don't" position. 

As Christians we can not see the big picture that God has planned for us.  We always seem to live in the here and now aspects of our lives.  Once we discover how God wants us to live our lives then we are able to see the world in a whole new perspective.  We have to allow God to work through us, not the other way around.  So many people hold on to Christianity as an entitlement.  Being a Christian is NOT an entitlement, it is something that has to be earned.  God sent his son to live among the people, to witness to people, to bring people closer to him and yet he STILL allowed his ONLY son be die on a cross for crimes he did not commit.  He died for the crimes that we as humans committed.  He died because one person denied knowing him, he died because of OUR sins NOT his sins.  Let that sink in a minute.  God allowed soldiers to persecute his own flesh so we as Christians could have an eternal life in heaven with him.  Seems so selfless doesn't it?  And still we walk around in our human flesh and cop attitudes and say, "I don't need Jesus!"  THAT MY FRIENDS,  is when we need the BIGGEST attitude adjustment out there!!  That is when God brings you full circle and says, "I can fix your little red wagon right here and now."  Did you ever hear that growing up?  lol  I did!  Many times!  Our redemption is the approval of God and our approval of God is not by human effort.  Do you even realize when you need God's help?  Do you ask for God's help or do you just keep telling yourself, "I've got this....this will all come out in the wash?".  As our pastor said, "Redemption is reflected vertically with the Lord and our relationship with people is laid out horizontally."  Are you modeling the mercy that God has given you or are you merely going through the motions?  I know here in the south we tend to say "Bless his/her heart" a whole lot.  If you truly want to bless someone's heart be merciful.  Show compassion, show true love and not just go through the motions because it is the "right" thing to do.  Promote peace in your life.  Connect to those who have done you wrong and forgive them.  Do you think it is going to matter one way or the other if you die mad at someone?  The only person you are hurting is you.  Be peaceful.  Say a prayer for a peaceful heart.  But above all, just LOVE!  Just like in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  It does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

 So, tonight I give you a challenge.  Look at yourself.  Do you need a Christian "Attitude Adjustment"?  Do you need to re-evaluate how you present yourself to others?  Just some food for thought.  Have a Blessed Day....I LOVE YOU ALL!! 
 
Marie

MY FRIEND BETTY

I sit here tonight with so many thoughts running through my head.  I have worry, heartache, and anger.  Why?  Well, I have a friend, Betty, and today I received a phone call from a mutual friend telling me that Betty had been rushed to the hospital with a brain aneurysm.  Seriously, you could have knocked me over with a feather.  You see, I just had lunch with her yesterday to celebrate her birthday.  Betty is still young.  Too young for this to be happening to her, she still has so much more to do here on Earth!  God can't be ready for her just yet.  Too many people need her here.  Too many people depend on her.  She still has a lot left to do and see.  She isn't finished being my friend!  I can't help but sit here and think about all the laughs we have had and the laughs that are yet to be had.  When we get together for our ladies lunches Betty makes us all laugh.  Sometimes just being her silly self and other times we are laughing at some of the silly antics she has been involved in and believe me there are many.  Nonetheless, she just makes us all smile.  As I sit here tyring to make sense of it all, I can't help but think of the craziness.  The speeding tickets, the driving school, the "Mama" skits at teacher appreciation luncheons.  They all make me just smile and giggle to myself.  I think the most recent laugh was on Memorial Day when my husband and I had a cookout at our home. Betty was among our many guests.  We talked about many things; life after divorce, kids, and just life in general.  The most hilarious moment was when another friend of mine was in the conversation and we began to discuss our "favorite person" who looks like a praying mantis riding a bicycle!  Do you remember that Betty Nell?  Don't forget Betty, we have a date for my birthday in September!  We have to go back to The Cheesecake Factory!  I am worried for her children that are having to see their mother go through this ordeal.  I am heartbroken that Betty is having to fight for her life and to know that someone that is so full of life and so strong is having to go through all of this.  I am angry that this is happening to my friend.  Someone that is so sweet, so giving, and just an amazing caring woman.  Anyone that knows me knows I am far from an extremely religious person.  I am however very spiritual.  I believe we all have a plan laid out for us.  I believe in God and his plan for our lives.  So as Betty's friend I would like to ask my other friends, even if you haven't been blessed to meet her yet, when you say your prayers tonight and for the next several nights to come please remember her and her sweet family in your prayers.  I love you Betty!  You are a class act in my book!  You have to get better!!  We have a date with the swimming pool!! 

As I end this post about my friend I just want to share a passage from Psalm 31:1-5. 

"In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness.  2  Bow down thine ear to me; deliver me speedily: be thou my strong rock, for a house of defense to save me. 3 For thou are my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me.  4 Pull me out of the net that they have laid privily for me: for thou art my strength. 5 Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O Lord God of truth."  Psalm 31: 1-5 

BEST FRIENDS MAKE THE BAD TIMES GOOD; & THE GOOD TIMES UNFORGETTABLE!!

Friendship is the emotions on conduct of friends; the state of being friends or the relationship between friends.  So what exactly is a friend?  In technical terms a friend is a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.  Synonyms: pal, mate, chum, buddy, comrade, fellow, companion…..

On a more personal note a friend is someone with whom you are comfortable around and enjoy their company.  Someone you can laugh with until you pee your pants and then you laugh even harder because you did pee your pants! 

We form friendships at a very early age.  We may not know what friendships are until later but even toddlers form friendships.  We play, laugh, and cry together and have all sorts of fun.  We know we just enjoy spending time with one another that has like interest.  As we grow so do our friendships.  Sometimes we grow apart and sometimes we grow closer.  Sometimes friends move or we move and we have to form new friendships, (that is always hard).  The friendships we acquire during elementary school are some of the strongest bonds we can make.  They set the precedence on how we make friends and sometimes they carry over into pre-teen and high school.  Some of my favorite memories are of my high school friends.
I was never in the “in” crowd; I was always the “regular geeky band” kid.  I didn’t have a fancy car or the newest name brand clothes but my parents worked hard and provided for me and my sister very well.  We never wanted for anything.  But I do remember having the BEST group of friends a girl could ask for.  The entire high school band was like a large friendship circle.  We were all close to one another and when one had a problem it became everyone’s problem.  Chorus was the same except the small performing group I belonged to was probably the closet group of friends at that time in my life.  We were awesome!! 
Then you graduate, you tell each other you will remain friends forever…then life happens…. You look up and 29 years have passed and you try to remember where all those friends are and what they are doing.  If you are lucky you still have one or two you still talk to on occasion. 

We come upon a new milestone and as we graduate we make new friends.  These friends are a different type of friend.  If you go to college or the military they are more acquaintance friends than truly formed friendships.  You party, study, and work with these types of friends.  Sometimes you walk away with a lifelong friend and then other times you just walk away.

Now we have the adult friends.  The kind we shop with, cookout with, meet the Mr/Mrs Right with, and sometimes they are by your side if the Mr/Mrs. Right turns out to be Mr/Mrs. Wrong!  These friends are in it for the long haul.  Often these friends are “new” “old” friends.  You know the one you had back in high school and reconnected. 

As we grow, get married, and have babies we acquire the mommy/daddy friends.  You know the ones; the football, baseball, cheerleader friends.  It is because your kids are friends with their kids so you become friends with the parents (often at the chagrin of your kids).  Sometimes these friendships carry over and sometimes they don’t and that is life. 

With all of that said, I want to make a statement.  I happen to have some of the GREATEST friends on the planet!  I am not just saying that to be nice or to boast, I am just announcing the truth.  I can’t tell you how many friends have come and gone in my lifetime.  I have to admit the people that are in my life now are some of the greatest!  I have friends still from high school and my single days that I know if I needed ANYTHING, all I would have to do is pick up the phone and they would be right there.  I have friends that I do not talk to on the phone as often as I should and when we do talk it is like we just spoke to one another yesterday. 

We all have that GROUP of friends….you know the ones; the ones that at the drop of a hat they would show up with a shovel, a black trash bag, and a bag of lime and wouldn’t ask questions when you needed to hide a body! (LOL)  I have been blessed with two of these groups! 

The first group is a group of girlfriends that have been in my circle for well over 20 years.  We have worked alongside one another, witnessed the birth of babies, cried when a relationship or marriage went south and swore to each other that no matter how old we get we will always make time for that dinner and/or glass of wine.  They know my evil thoughts before I know them and are just as conniving as I am.  The older I get the more I appreciate these types of friendships.  Shelli, Charlotte, Karen, and April….You girls know I would go to the ends of the earth for you and never think twice about it.  I love you all tremendously and so glad we have reconnected. 

I have also been blessed and fortunate to find myself in the company of some other AMAZINGLY FABULOUS women!!  We became what I will call “accidental friends”.  We met through our husbands.  We were blessed to meet through a group of “brothers” called the Lost Brotherhood MC.  We ride together, have dinner together, and often spend more time with each other than our biological families.  We love each other’s kids as our own. Debbie, Niki, Lisa, Nicole, Stephanie, Mary, Toni, and many more of you ladies….YOU ROCK MY SOCKS!  I love you guys more than you will ever know. 
So, I shall close with this – We all wear many friendship hats.  Just because friendships come and go, it is never a tragedy.  Read this poem and just remember…..there is always a reason, a season, or a lifetime!  Love to all of my friends; Past, Present, and Future!!
 
Thanks for taking time to read!! 


Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown

LISTEN TO YOURSELF….YOU HAVE A LOT TO SAY!

I haven’t blogged in a while.  It isn’t because I haven’t had anything to share, it is just I have had a lot going on in my life as of late.  Not many people know this, not because I was ashamed of it but because I had to learn how to wrap my head around it.  Late last year I had to have a complete hysterectomy.  About three years ago I started having some female issues.  I knew something wasn’t quite right.  I knew my body was trying to tell me something so like so many women I chose to take the first doctor at her word and I pushed things to the side and thinking, well this is just part of getting older.  I know many of you know what I am talking about right?  I thought, well they are the ones with M.D. behind their name, they know what they are talking about so I tried to “live with it” as I was told it was part of getting older and being overweight.  I continued to have problems….one problem would lead to another problem, I got to where I felt like shit all the time and it seemed as though I was doing more complaining than living.  I was hateful to my family; especially my kids and I thank them for not wanting to commit me to some insane asylum (especially poor Christina).  I think she got the brunt of all of my frustration and crappy feelings.   My poor husband probably thought, “OH DEAR LORD, I have married a psycho”.  As bad as I felt I could never tell anyone what felt bad.  I JUST FELT BAD!!  I couldn’t sleep, all I wanted to do was eat (that is the way I deal with things), I didn’t want to fix my hair, wear nice clothes…etc.…I could not for the life of me put into words just exactly what hurt and where.  

Ever since I was a teenager, you know old enough to go to the “female” doctor; I have always made it priority to maintain good female medical care.   I always had my check-ups on a regular basis and when it came time for my yearly mammograms I am very diligent about having those as well.  I don’t always find them pleasant but if you are going to be proactive with your health you have to take a stand and make it a priority.  So, every year I was in the doctor’s office like clockwork.  Like I said, I had been having issues, or I thought something was going on, for about three years.  I started becoming irregular, then it would be constant, then it would change again.  When I was younger I never had any type of problems before.  I went to one doctor he told me it was my weight, went to another doctor and she told me I was diabetic.  I felt they were NOT listening to me.  There were treating my symptoms, not treating me.  I was so frustrated and down trodden that I thought well, one more opinion wouldn’t hurt.  I found another doctor who I am simply convinced was my God-send.  She listened when I talked to her.  When I told her what MY body was doing and how I felt.  She actually gave me insight on great options to start with and then we would go from that point.  She didn’t tell me it was all in my head.  For three years I had been having normal pap smears.  I repeat….NORMAL!!  When I started going to my new doctor, same thing...Normal.  She told me she would like to do an ultra-sound and when she did she noticed some issues there and sent me for a D&C.  This was a one day procedure which I had at Thanksgiving of 2012.  Not the most enjoyable Thanksgiving but not the worst either (the worst being when I had the flu and strep throat at the same time on Thanksgiving).  The next two weeks were so excruciating.  Finally, I went back for my follow-up….My wonderful, supportive husband came along to hold my hand.  I go back first in the room and as my doctor comes in she sits down and says, “Marie, I am not going to lie to you…there were some things in your D&C that I did not like.  You have pre-cancerous cells growing in your uterus.”  Well, I don’t care if it is “pre-cancer” or cancer all you hear is CANCER!!  The next few sentences she uttered were literally like hearing Charlie Brown’s teacher talking in the classroom.  All I could say was, “Will you please go get my husband?”  I wanted to throw up, cry, scream and just crawl in a hole.  Once Greg was back there all I remember is looking at him thinking…”What has this man done in his lifetime to deserve this?”  His first wife died from Leukemia in 1999 and now this…..I remember very little about this office visit other than coming out of the doctor’s office with an appointment with a GYN Oncologist.  The car ride home was rather silent.  Greg kept asking me if I was okay…..I didn’t know if I was okay…..I knew I wanted to hit something so hard that I would have either broken it or my hand.  I questioned God.  I wanted to know what I had done that was so terrible that I had to go through this situation.  Greg, bless his heart, tried every way to not make a big deal out of it when I know deep down he was questioning God also.  So, I go to my visit with the GYN Oncologist, who is a TRULY AMAZING man!!  And he took the time to talk to me and to tell me and Greg what the next steps were going to be.  So the day after Christmas, Dec 26, 2012, I was scheduled for a full complete hysterectomy.  Needless to say, Christmas had a whole new meaning this past year.  My mom and dad and my husband were there for my surgery.  I told my kids it was just a small procedure, no big deal, because I didn’t want them to worry.  I was there at UT overnight….Had wonderful care.  What a great group of people at UT Hospital.  I came home to recover.  Not a bad surgery, laparoscopic, so I had some pain and discomfort but not what it used to be before this procedure became available.  My follow-up with my surgeon was an eye opener.  He relayed to me that this surgery was one of the best surgeries I could have ever done for myself.  He said the uterus didn’t just have pre-cancerous cells it had cancer cells growing.  He told me I was lucky.  He told me they had gotten all of the cancer and I should not have any other problems BUT I had to be under his observation for the next five years.  I am fine with that, so for the next year I have to go back every three months, then the next two years every six months, and then the next three years once a year visits just to monitor me to make sure I do not have any issues.  I CAN LIVE with that!!  LOL….CAN LIVE…..I WILL LIVE with that!!  I tell Greg all the time that I hate the scars on my stomach.  I tease him and say, "Well, with these scars I will never wear a bikini again!"  LOL  He just rubs my scars and says..."They are the most beautiful scars in the world, because without them I could have lost you!"  He is so sweet!!  There are truly no words to describe the love I have for this man. 

The gift of life is fragile and few may realize just how precious it can be.  I have come to terms with the fact that I had cancer.  I found out a lot of things about myself.  I am still a strong woman….I just have an even stronger support group (i.e. my family).  I am proud of myself for listening to MY BODY!!  I chose to be proactive in my health! Had I chosen to ignore my problems I shudder at the results.  I did question God A LOT!!  I don’t so much now as I did in the beginning but I still want to know why he chose me to walk this path.  This path isn’t a path for the faint of heart or the weak.  I have never thought of myself as strong willed or strong in general.  I have always considered myself someone that just does what she needs to do to get through life and be happy. This has made me realize a lot more about myself.  I often believe that God chose this path for me to open my eyes and get back in church.  Which, I have….Not the same church or denomination as before but somewhere that I feel comfortable and happy.  I look at things differently.  I cherish each day.  I try to make life fun and not live the mundane life everyone seems to get caught up in.  I love to laugh and to make others laugh.  I still get aggravated and disheartened at times but HEY, I am human.  I love my kids, I look at them in a totally different light now, and they are adults and are working on their own lives.  I want to spend more time with my husband and my beautiful grandson.  I want to smell the roses more often than I did before.  I appreciate my husband more.  I value the time I have with my parents.  I just love life! 

Cancer is a horrible, horrible disease.  It affects so many people on so many levels; Infants, young children, teens, adults, the elderly.  It isn’t picky….you can be male, female, white, black, young; old…..it has no boundaries.  My advice to all of my friends and family….When something does not feel right in your core, or you just can’t put your finger on what is ailing you….just remember to keep fighting YOUR fight until you get the answers!  It is YOUR body, take control of YOU!!  I love you all!!  Thanks for listening and PRAY daily without ceasing.  And don’t forget to…..

Love Loud!!                                                            

Marie

You Know You Are Getting Older When: A funny look at myself

It's been months since I've written any kind of anything on here. I've often thought about writing but then the thought of trying to come up with something clever to say makes my head hurt so I just put it off saying I'll do it tomorrow. So.....today is tomorrow!  It seems that life has gotten in the way of me writing about life. 

Since my last blog it seems I have worked my butt off!!  I love my job and I am so thankful to have a job but WHEW, there are days that I realize I am not as young as I use to be and I often come home at the end of the day totally worn out and spent.  This leads me to notice the ten (10) signs that I am definitely getting older.  I try my best to keep up with the kiddos at school and sometimes I just have to throw up my hands and say….”I am done!”. 

I am going to share with you my 10 signs that I am getting older.  I realized many of these things when I am out shopping with my recently turned 18 year old daughter and with one of my very best friends that is 28. 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLDER WHEN: 

1.   I totally refuse to get within 100 feet of an American Eagle store.  There are two reasons:  1.  The music is too damn loud.  And 2) It smells like my older high school boyfriend who dropped me once he went to college and found the college girls more appealing than me.  Then I wonder where he is and what he is doing, is he bald, fat, lonely, etc….Then I wonder, what the hell did I ever see in him in the first place.  After all, he was the one that told my mother she needed to marry me off because I was never going to amount to anything.  And informed my mother that real men had boys not girls (which my dad has two girls and there isn’t a better man in the entire world than my dad).  Needless to say, I did not miss out on much in that dating department. 

2.   I am no longer embarrassed to purchase tampons or feminine products, even when the cashier that is ringing me up at the local Wal-Mart store is 18 and goes to school with my 18 year old daughter or is friends with my now 20 year old son.  I believe somewhere between the age of 26 or 27, I realized that I do indeed have a vagina and it is perfectly acceptable to menstruate.  I have come to the conclusion that is also perfectly acceptable to say the word “vagina” out loud.  VAGINA, VAGINA, VAGINA!! 

3.   I have come to the realization that I am old enough to be Lindsey Lohan’s mother and if that were the case I would have done put my foot up that little ass and made a believer out of her!!  Just saying….

4.   When someone talks about something that happened 20 years ago, you can actually remember where you were and what you were doing 20 years ago.  There are possibilities that some of these happenings involved alcohol, dancing on table tops, and throwing up out of a moving vehicle…(not claiming either of the three just saying it is a possibility). 

5.   The days that I considered my parents boring and embarrassed to be around are gone.  My parents are still my parents, but they are also my best friends.  And your parents’ best friends are still your parents’ best friends, but now you consider them your friends too, not just your parents’ friends.  (Does that make sense??)  And nine times out of teen I would rather hang out with my parents and their friends who are now also your friends……

6.   I often find myself becoming annoyed and rolling my eyes at teenager who are giggling and having fun at the mall or in Wal-Mart, because in my opinion, they are just creating unnecessary noise.  (Disclaimer:  Those teenagers are rolling their eyes at you also.  They think you are pathetic and old, and they vow never to look like you when they are your age.  After all, they will still be shopping at American Eagle and be up on the latest trends. Right?.....Right!!)

7.   On any given Friday evening, you find yourself getting a little bit giddy after realizing that there is a NCIS marathon on USA Channel, and it is for the entire weekend!  Break out the bottles of wine baby…it is gonna be one hell of a bitchin’ weekend!!

8.   My kiddos at school/work think I am the “Cool” teacher.  That is like the kiss of death!  My kiddos are awesome but I am not there to be their pal or their friend…I am there to be their teacher. 

9.   The thought of going to a frat party makes you want to douse your entire body in rubbing alcohol and put on a gas mask.  Let’s face it…if the memory of the stench of stale Schlitz Malt Liquor beer and man sweat doesn’t make you a bit nostalgic for your college days, then you are definitely over the hill.

10.               You will talk about shit with anyone, and by shit I do mean poop, and by anyone, I do man ANYONE.  If you can admit to a random person of the opposite sex that the tacos you ate for dinner had you up with the runs all night, then you are seriously an OLD FART.  No pun intended. 

Now, if anyone has any other signs of aging to add please feel free to do so.  I hope you at least got a slight giggle or even just a smile out of my list.  Maybe we can see a little bit of one another in each other. 

I am a 40 plus year old mom of three and a MiMi to one.  I am awesome at managing 30+ kids in a classroom but suck at managing my household duties, (basically I suck at it)!  I also suffer from serious road rage and uncontrollable urge to swear.  But all in all I am a happy, beautiful, funny, and wonderful mom!!  Hope you all have had a wonderful and blessed mother’s day. 

The OTHER "F" Word!!

Doesn't it always seem that the number one resolution made by Americans each year is to loose weight?  I feel that about 90% of resolutions fall by the wayside about two weeks into the new year.  So for 90%  of you that began this year wanting to make a difference in your waistline....better luck next year and for the other 10%,  KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!   This is why I didn't make resolutions I just accept the things that are what they are and if I decide somewhere along the way I am going to make changes I will give it my best effort. 

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  I have decided that I am a closet skinny person!  I am a fat girl that wants so bad to be skinny.  I would love to be able to buy my clothes from a regular clothing store and purchase cute clothes.  Instead I buy my clothes from a plus size store and purchase clothing that looks as if they were made from extra material from the Camel Tent Company.  I want to be able to wear tall cute boots that do not make me look like a tamale!!  I can not tell you how many times in my life I have been told...."You have such a pretty face, if you could loose some weight you would be drop dead gorgeous."  How is someone suppose to react to that statement?  "Thanks!?"  I don't know if I want to thank them or punch them!!  It is not like I woke up one day and said to myself..."Self, I think I would like to be fat!"  The sad thing is, I have not always been fat.  Here is the really kicker asshole....I AM PRETTY!!  I HAPPEN TO THINK I AM ONE OF THE MOST ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE I KNOW!

I was once skinny, back in the days of high school when I played softball, marched in the band, road bicycles, and basically just stayed active constantly.  I am not really sure what happened other than a combination of a lot of different things from genetics, lack of exercise, poor eating habits, babies, divorce, depression.....all in all I can say "Life just happened."  No excuses, no ifs and or buts....Just Life!  We make excuses, or at least I know I do.  I tell myself all the time, "I am so tired from working all day to go to the gym, It is too cold outside, etc......."  I can be the queen of excuses!!  Do you want to know what strikes me as hilarious?  People really and truly walk up to me and say, "Do you know you are overweight?"   What I want to say to them is ".  REALLY!?"    "No Shit Sherlock!!" and then I want to say, "Do you really think I don't know what I look like?  I just see myself naked everyday you stupid moron!"  Do people honestly think I am happy being this way?  I DO NOT want to be fat!! I want to be normal! 

FAT!?....HUMMMPPPHH....THE OTHER "F" WORD.  The one small three letter word that can cut you so deep and leave a scar for the rest of your life.  As I write I can't help but think of all the little girls that want to be like the super models they see on TV, magazines, and record labels.  Somewhere, someone has told society that this is the way women should be seen. According to society women should not be fat and because of this stigma young girls are starving themselves becoming emaciated and can't walk two steps because they do not have the energy.   

People are so insensitive, when people say, "You are Fat", I want to look at them and say..."I may be fat but you are an insensitive ass wad which makes you an ugly person.  I can loose weight but you can't change ugly!!  Do you remember back in high school and we thought we were so fat?  I look back at the pictures of me and think,  "what was I thinking?"  I was NOT FAT!!  I looked good!!  I was cute in high school....oh how I would love to go back and be that way now!  This year I have decided to make a change in my life.  Once and for all I am making changes for ME!!  Not for Greg, not for my kids, not for my parents but I am making them for Marie!!  I do not look at this as a resolution....I look at it as a life style change.  I can do this!!!  I WILL DO THIS!!  It may take me a year or more to get to where I want to be but I have to understand, I didn't put this weight on in one day it is not going to come off in one night.  So, here is my statement.  I am beginning in the year 2012 to make Marie a healthier, and more productive person!!  This is my promise to myself!  With encouragement, prayer, support, and a gym partner and husband (Greg).  I will do this! 

Reflections not Resoultions

This year I have decided to do something a little different for New Years.  I am going to compile a list of accomplishments in order to look back over this past year with fondness and happiness.  Kind of like reflecting rather than making resolutions.  Anyone can make resolutions but do we stop and reflect on the previous year and appreciate where life has brought us from and sending us to?   

It is no secret that the holidays tend to be a little stressful for most people and I am no exception.  We tend to become more agitated with the crowds, the hustle and bustle of the season, and the financial stress we all seem to put ourselves in.  By the time Christmas Day actually gets here I am so sick of Christmas Carols I want to punch Frosty right in the kisser.  It seems that modern America and local radio stations in Knoxville begin to play Christmas songs the week of Thanksgiving all day long driving me insane. 

I do love the holidays and everything they mean.  Now, I would not say I am an extremely religious person but I am a very spiritual person.  I was raised in a religious family but as an adult I have found that the idealism of organized religion does not conform to my lifestyle.  I am grateful to my parents for my childhood and everything that goes with it, but I do not feel the need to go to a building with people I do not know and pray, give thanks, or worship.  I can do that in the confines of my own home, in my car, sitting on my porch, or just meditating and relaxing.  Sorry, I kinda rambled off there for a second, I said all of this to say, I do respect and know the true meaning of Christmas.  It is a time to rejoice and celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and all that he has given to us.  And for that I am so blessed and thankful.

I love Christmas, to me it is a time of celebrating the true meaning of the season, it allows me to gather and spend time with family I seldom see, and it is just a happy, happy time of the year.  I do have to admit, I did enjoy Christmas so much more as a child.  You know that time in your life when you believed in Santa Claus.  You know the times you would spend on your grandmothers couch with your cousins looking out the front window just watching for Santa's sleigh to make an appearance in the sky.  And when an airplane would fly over you would swear up and down that you heard the sleigh bells.   I remember, driving home on Christmas Eve from my granny's house and I would watch the sky all the way home from Seymour.  Unfortunately, all good things come to an end and I can remember the exact day I stopped believing.  I was in 4th grade sitting in the lunch room at the old Halls Elementary School.  Darryl Eply, Rhoda Albright, and Betsy Bailey made fun of me when I said I still believed and that is my magic drifted away.  I realized right then there was not a Santa.  I will admit, a small part of me died that day, Christmas lost a lot of magic for me that year.  I guess that is what I miss the most about Christmas, the magic, watching Christmas through the eyes of a child.  That has to be the purest of pure and the most magical time in any child's life.  It just fills your heart with joy.  I watched "The Polar Express" for the first time this year.  I filled my heart with so much that I have missed.  If you haven't seen it, I recommend it wholeheartedly! 

It amazes me that a whole year has passed and I cannot believe all the changes and accomplishments that have been made.  It seems that just yesterday we were celebrating Christmas 2010.  That we were planning Dustin and Kaitlyn's wedding, getting excited about the impending arrival of a grandchild in the summer, dreading the fact that Dustin was going to be deployed to Afghanistan, celebrating graduations, the beginning of senior year, and my first job as a college graduate.  We suffered losses as well, we lost our beloved dog Dawg this past year and that has been one of the hardest things to deal with.  But, life as we know it goes on.  We cope, and put on that smile and thank God for each and every day we are given. 

We began 2011 off with having a new addition to our family.  December 17, 2010 my son, Dustin, married Kaitlyn.  She is a beautiful young woman that loves him so much.  You can just look in her eyes as she looks at him or talks about him and it show just how much she loves him.  I am so blessed and thankful for having her in our lives.  They also, gave us the wonderful news that we were going to be grandparents.  Well, they didn't tell me, I kinda guessed....lol  I will tell you, I was probably more excited than they were, not sure....but maybe.  So here we were waiting patiently for the impending arrival of a new small little life. 

In April of 2011, Greg and I purchased our first home together.  We love our new home.  It is a place where both of us are comfortable, happy, and so proud to call home.  For five years we were renting, now it is something we can call our own.  A new adventure in our lives and I couldn't ask for anyone better to share this ride with. 

May of 2011, Andrew graduated from Anderson County High School.  He is my baby boy and all I could see on graduation day is the sweet little boy I walked in to Fairview Elementary on his first day of kindergarten.  It seems as if it were yesterday.  It is amazing how one minute you have a sweet little boy and you blink- they are grown and starting a new life where they make their own decisions.  It is scary, I will be honest.  But with one child graduating another one begins a journey of her own: 

Christina, my daughter, became a senior at Anderson County High School.  I still remember the little girl that stood at my back counter the first time I met her.  She barely could look over the wall and all I remember is thinking, look how beautiful this little girl is;  this little blue-eyed, dressed all in black, wearing skater shoes little girl looked at me and said; "do you want to see what I can do with my eyes".  lol  My, how times have changed.  She is still a blue-eyed beauty who has grown into an even more beautiful young woman.  My hope is for one day that she realizes just how much I do love her and if she would at least give me a chance I could be a great mom and an even better friend.  She just doesn't want to give me that opportunity and this really breaks my heart.  Because, I can be one hell of a friend!! 

Well, after the months of the impending arrival, Sir Connor James decided to make his debut into this world on July 1.  He was perfect!!  A beautiful, sweet, and smart little baby boy!  He is the love of my life.  I just can't get enough of his sweetness!  I see this young man having his MiMi and Pop totally wrapped around his little finger!  During our celebration of the new life of Connor, we had to send Dustin, his dad, to Afghanistan for his first tour.  (Hopefully, ONLY tour).  At least he was here for his birth and was able to spend some time with his wife and son.  But just wait til you get back!  There will be one HELL of  celebration when you return!! 

In September 2011 I finally got a job!  This is something for which I am so thankful.  I had looked and applied, interviewed and cried over way too many jobs.  As many of you know, education is taking a major hit and the jobs are so hard to find.  I am not in a classroom but I am in the schools making a difference in the lives of a child through an after school program.  I love my job!!  It is the perfect fit for me. 

In October, 2011 Greg and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary.  I am so eternally grateful for the love, affection, and support he gives me every single day.  He is my best friend, and without him in my life I would be totally lost.  He encourages me, supports me, and brings me down a notch when needed.  I just want you to know baby....."I love ya more than my luggage".  (Steel Magnolias) 

I am so blessed to have so many friends.  Some have been there for me for years and those that have been there just in the distance.  It is so wonderful to reconnect with some, and amazing to make new friends.  For my "old" friends; Thanks for keeping me grounded!  For the "new" ones on the block;  Can't wait to have memories as your friend.  I can not leave here without mentioning my BFF Britney!  She is a best-friend to die for.  Girl, I love you with all of my heart!  When I feel drained she is right there to encourage and push me to finish my journey!! 

I just want to end this blog by saying....THANK YOU!!  Thank you to everyone in my life; family, friends, acquaintances, enemies, etc.....for the positive energy sent my way this past year.  Everyones words of encouragement has put a smile on my face and a skip in my step this entire year.  I want to take A moment to wish each and everyone of you and yours a WONDERFUL and PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!  I look forward to what 2012 has to offer and I am sure together we will make the best of it!! 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!    2012 IS GONNA ROCK!!