The OTHER "F" Word!!

Doesn't it always seem that the number one resolution made by Americans each year is to loose weight?  I feel that about 90% of resolutions fall by the wayside about two weeks into the new year.  So for 90%  of you that began this year wanting to make a difference in your waistline....better luck next year and for the other 10%,  KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!   This is why I didn't make resolutions I just accept the things that are what they are and if I decide somewhere along the way I am going to make changes I will give it my best effort. 

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  I have decided that I am a closet skinny person!  I am a fat girl that wants so bad to be skinny.  I would love to be able to buy my clothes from a regular clothing store and purchase cute clothes.  Instead I buy my clothes from a plus size store and purchase clothing that looks as if they were made from extra material from the Camel Tent Company.  I want to be able to wear tall cute boots that do not make me look like a tamale!!  I can not tell you how many times in my life I have been told...."You have such a pretty face, if you could loose some weight you would be drop dead gorgeous."  How is someone suppose to react to that statement?  "Thanks!?"  I don't know if I want to thank them or punch them!!  It is not like I woke up one day and said to myself..."Self, I think I would like to be fat!"  The sad thing is, I have not always been fat.  Here is the really kicker asshole....I AM PRETTY!!  I HAPPEN TO THINK I AM ONE OF THE MOST ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE I KNOW!

I was once skinny, back in the days of high school when I played softball, marched in the band, road bicycles, and basically just stayed active constantly.  I am not really sure what happened other than a combination of a lot of different things from genetics, lack of exercise, poor eating habits, babies, divorce, depression.....all in all I can say "Life just happened."  No excuses, no ifs and or buts....Just Life!  We make excuses, or at least I know I do.  I tell myself all the time, "I am so tired from working all day to go to the gym, It is too cold outside, etc......."  I can be the queen of excuses!!  Do you want to know what strikes me as hilarious?  People really and truly walk up to me and say, "Do you know you are overweight?"   What I want to say to them is ".  REALLY!?"    "No Shit Sherlock!!" and then I want to say, "Do you really think I don't know what I look like?  I just see myself naked everyday you stupid moron!"  Do people honestly think I am happy being this way?  I DO NOT want to be fat!! I want to be normal! 

FAT!?....HUMMMPPPHH....THE OTHER "F" WORD.  The one small three letter word that can cut you so deep and leave a scar for the rest of your life.  As I write I can't help but think of all the little girls that want to be like the super models they see on TV, magazines, and record labels.  Somewhere, someone has told society that this is the way women should be seen. According to society women should not be fat and because of this stigma young girls are starving themselves becoming emaciated and can't walk two steps because they do not have the energy.   

People are so insensitive, when people say, "You are Fat", I want to look at them and say..."I may be fat but you are an insensitive ass wad which makes you an ugly person.  I can loose weight but you can't change ugly!!  Do you remember back in high school and we thought we were so fat?  I look back at the pictures of me and think,  "what was I thinking?"  I was NOT FAT!!  I looked good!!  I was cute in high school....oh how I would love to go back and be that way now!  This year I have decided to make a change in my life.  Once and for all I am making changes for ME!!  Not for Greg, not for my kids, not for my parents but I am making them for Marie!!  I do not look at this as a resolution....I look at it as a life style change.  I can do this!!!  I WILL DO THIS!!  It may take me a year or more to get to where I want to be but I have to understand, I didn't put this weight on in one day it is not going to come off in one night.  So, here is my statement.  I am beginning in the year 2012 to make Marie a healthier, and more productive person!!  This is my promise to myself!  With encouragement, prayer, support, and a gym partner and husband (Greg).  I will do this!